Sunday, March 23, 2008

Something more

So it's been a while. The last few weeks have been eventful and wonderful and I have grown, experienced, and understand so much more now than I did such a short time ago. I have been through the wringer from time to time in my life, been out of sorts with the world and been on the edge of the abyss more times than I care to remember. The best part of the abyss by the way, is the view. It's so much easier to see what's going on in your world when you can actually stand at one end of it and see it all at once.
I went there again not too long ago, tried to find the truth in what I had been missing, figure out what it was that I must be doing wrong in my life, but as it turns out, I wasn't really doing anything wrong, I was just being somewhat ineffective in my approach to some of the aspects of my life. None of my recent understanding is however meant to preclude the idea that at points I am sure I will still screw up at this or that, but hopefully at least those failures will be less extreme and leave smaller ripples.
But for now, there is good, and happy, and smiles every day. And often every day. I have been enjoying the moment, looking forward to the next, and loving every minute of it. Even the broken moments are still good, the pain not so bad as to overwhelm the enjoyment that I have gained from living so fully in these recent days. I have been listening to some of the music that had gotten me inspired again recently, and so many of the words are finding new meaning for me now. One lyric in particular, from some friends of mine. I hope they don't mind me borrowing them to try and make a point of how I feel.

But I feel I'm closing in
When I breathe out and in
When I see your smile in the morning
I'm closing in

Every day is brighter, every moment means more to me, and every morning I awake feeling as though the day will be the best yet. I smile for all that I have and do not worry for anything that I may not have. I have all that I need, all that I want already. What could be better than that?

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