Friday, September 18, 2009


Give me a chance and I'll try and do whatever it takes to make things right. Err... I keep trying to remember when things made sense, and I can't really. There was probably a time when I was little, but since I have no memory of anything that far back, it seems as though nothing has ever made sense. I wanted to think that I had finally figured things out, that I knew where I was going, how I was going to get there, and who would be around to join me. I wanted to think that. I really did.
I haven't lost my direction, and amazingly enough, I haven't lost my steam either. So that's new, and different. Most of the time in my life when one thing went wrong I let just about everything else spin out of control. I am pretty good at that. So far at least, this time around I am mostly keeping it together. Though I am giving myself opportunity to lose it all again, I am trying to focus my energy where I think it can do the most good. We'll see how that works out.
So I know where I'm going, I see the goal and have a pretty good idea of how I'm getting there, but as per always, something is missing. As far as that goes, I don't really know what I want. It is almost as if every time I think I might have an answer, something changes, or even when I think I'm ready to not worry about it for a little while, I find a way to confuse the crap out of everthing again. Maybe tommorrow I'll figure out where I'm trying to get to on this. I doubt it though, that would be too easy.

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