Saturday, January 5, 2008

The Dream

So I had this dream that led to a revelation a few mornings ago. Basically the dream boiled down to a perfect moment in the spotlight surrounded by friends, and suddenly everything stopped. Time, space, whatever, and what I can only describe as a presence appeared before me and offered me a chance. The chance to go back, to maybe change the way I had lived a recent part of my life. Of course my first thought was to jump up and down screaming yes of course I would, but that only lasted for a moment.
I stopped, thought about everything that had happened. I nearly drowned under a wave of pain and sadness, nearly lost myself in all of this. But in between, I reached out to many people. New friends made like old ones, and old ones made closer than ever. Some brand new friends as well. I thought about how all of this would be lost, thought about that perfect moment I was living that would never have happened either. And I realized what all of these people meant to me. How much they have given to my life, how much more I might be able to give them now than I ever could have before.
I looked into my heart, felt all of the pain come back, and as much as I wanted to be able to make it go away, I couldn't. What I would now have to give up for the possibility of the past was too great. I chose to let the chance pass, and move forward. I chose to let go, and get on with living the life in front of me, not the one behind. And that is the choice I have made. It will not always be easy, but when is life easy? The past is over, whatever happens now is the present, this is what matters. What I do from here on. Not what I did or didn't do before. I can't change it, and even if I could, I won't. Moving on. And living on.

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